360° Coverage : Comparing newspaper news with internet news (The Funny Side)

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Comparing newspaper news with internet news (The Funny Side)
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Comparing newspaper news with internet news (The Funny Side)

Sep 19 2013, 11:30pm CDT | by IANS

This just in: Confucius is still dead. Wait, there's more: Mahatma Gandhi is still dead, too, and nothing has been heard from Ashoka for TWO MILLENNIA. That's my news report, inspired by a recent one which said astronaut Neil Armstrong had died. Thousands of people shared this report over the internet, despite the fact that Mr. Armstrong had died a year earlier.

This just in: Confucius is still dead. Wait, there's more: Mahatma Gandhi is still dead, too, and nothing has been heard from Ashoka for TWO MILLENNIA. That's my news report, inspired by a recent...

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1 year ago

Comparing newspaper news with internet news (The Funny Side)

Sep 19 2013, 11:30pm CDT | by IANS

This just in: Confucius is still dead. Wait, there's more: Mahatma Gandhi is still dead, too, and nothing has been heard from Ashoka for TWO MILLENNIA. That's my news report, inspired by a recent one which said astronaut Neil Armstrong had died. Thousands of people shared this report over the internet, despite the fact that Mr. Armstrong had died a year earlier.

This just in: Confucius is still dead. Wait, there's more: Mahatma Gandhi is still dead, too, and nothing has been heard from Ashoka for TWO MILLENNIA. That's my news report, inspired by a recent one which said astronaut Neil Armstrong had died. Thousands of people shared this report over the internet, despite the fact that Mr. Armstrong had died a year earlier.

Why be greedy? One death should be enough for anyone, right? On the other hand, when I die, it would be quite nice if people share the news year after year until a news report eventually appears saying: "Irritating Columnist Continues To Irritate From The Grave: Mass Demo Set For Major Cities Worldwide."

But of course the real message is that you can't trust the news on the Internet, which I know will come as an astonishing surprise to everyone.

Yet it IS scary when you think that the web is where most people get their news these days. As a scientific experiment, I decided to compare the top items of actual news in physical newspapers with the top news items on the internet on one particular day.

At the international newspaper stand at the railway station I wrote down the front page stories: political upheavals, civil wars and of course the United States' Mass Shooting of the Week, a weird tradition they have there, guaranteed by their most important law, the Second Ablution to the Fourth Adjustment of the Fifth Abatement or some such thing.

Back at the office, I looked up top items for Google News Trends for random places. US: Rejoicing as new violent computer game launched. Singapore: Rejoicing as new violent computer game launched. India: Rejoicing as brown woman wins Miss America contest. Japan: Rejoicing as new ultra-cute computer game about cookies launched.

When World War III is launched, no one's going to actually notice, as they will be reading about computer games and beauty queens. I can't decide whether this is good or bad. We'll soon find out, since the next war may have started. A Chinese newspaper recently announced that China's military had developed the capability to drop TV shows from fighter bombers. No, I don't mean they will throw actual TV presenters out of airplanes, although I suspect everyone on the planet would applaud that one, including Mother Teresa watching from her cloud.

Instead, warplanes will take over all TVs and computers beneath their flight path and beam their own programmes into them in a "psychological warfare" technique to "give the enemy nervous breakdowns", the Global Times said. Having tried to watch Mainland China TV myself once, I can confirm that a dose of 90 seconds caused severe mental pain and after three minutes I felt so suicidal that I actually ate the Beijing hotel café's Daily Special.

Yet I'm not sure how hard it was for military scientists to develop this system, since it actually happens by itself. At a British funeral recently, the nephew of the dead man went to the pulpit to deliver a eulogy but the words that came from the sound system were: "Fasten your seatbelts." It probably came from a plane overhead, said the Daily Mail. Or perhaps Neil Armstrong's ghost, popping down to see why he's back in the news.

(20.09.2013 - Nury Vittachi is an Asia-based frequent traveller. Send ideas or comments via www.mrjam.org)

IANS

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4 weeks ago

Gandhi seems incomplete without Sardar Patel: Modi

Oct 30 2014 10:12pm CDT | Source: HeadlinesToday.in

"Sardar Patel joined Mahatma Gandhi in the integration of farmers in the freedom struggle. He (Patel) played an integral role in the Dandi yatra," Modi ...
Source: HeadlinesToday.in   Full article at: HeadlinesToday.in
 

 
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10

4 weeks ago

How The Worm Turns--NetApp Starts Talking Hybrid Cloud Fabric

Oct 28 2014 7:00am CDT | Source: Forbes Real Time

Mahatma Gandhi famously said (although many dispute that it came from his lips) the line “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win”. It is a line almost perfectly constructed for the technology industry where the same sentiment has been changed int ...
Source: Forbes Real Time   Full article at: Forbes Real Time
 

 
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9

4 weeks ago

RSS condemns article on Nehru published in its mouthpiece

Oct 25 2014 9:34am CDT | Source: Business Standard

The Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS) today condemned an opinion piece published in its Malayalam mouthpiece that Nathuram Godse, the man who assassinated Mahatma Gandhi, should have instead targeted Jawaharlal Nehru since he was responsible for ...
Source: Business Standard   Full article at: Business Standard
 

 
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8

7 weeks ago

Youth-centric designs to push khadi sales this season

Oct 4 2014 11:09am CDT | Source: Business Standard

On the back of new youth-centric designs and varieties that were launched in recent times, KVIC and Khadi Board anticipates 10-15 per cent sales growth in the khadi season sale in October. Commemorating the b ...
Source: Business Standard   Full article at: Business Standard
 

 
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7

7 weeks ago

Gandhian way 'real, live option' to confront challenges: Swaraj

Oct 3 2014 2:15am CDT | Source: Business Standard

As the world faces growing challenges of terrorism, the ideals of Mahatma Gandhi have become all the more pertinent and the Gandhian way is a 'real, live option' to confront the global challenges, India has said here as the UN commemorated his 145th ... ...
Source: Business Standard   Full article at: Business Standard
 

 
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5

8 weeks ago

Peaceful protests achieve more than military aggression: UN

Oct 2 2014 10:30pm CDT | Source: Business Standard

As the world grapples with 'increased sectarian violence' and conflict, UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon urged the international community to follow Mahatma Gandhi's philosophy of non-violence, saying the Indian lead ...
Source: Business Standard   Full article at: Business Standard
 

 
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8 weeks ago

India's toilet guru works to flush away open defecation

Oct 2 2014 8:43am CDT | Source: Business Insider

New Delhi (AFP) - Surrounded by latrines and soap dispensers, sanitation charity founder Bindeshwar Pathak is most at home in the toilet, which he vows to build in every impoverished home in India.Affectionately known as India's "toilet guru", 71-year-old Pathak has spent four decades working to improve sanitation in a country where half of the population relieve themselves in the open air.Inspired by Mahatma Gandh ...
Source: Business Insider   Full article at: Business Insider
 

 
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8 weeks ago

Defence Ministry Launches Swachh Bharat Abhiyan

Oct 2 2014 5:50am CDT | Source: Business Standard

Heeding to the clarion call by the Prime Minister Shri Narendra Modi to fulfil the dream of Mahatma Gandhi of a Swachh Bharat (Clean India), the Ministry of Defence started the Swachhta drive in the right earnest here toda ...
Source: Business Standard   Full article at: Business Standard
 

 
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2

8 weeks ago

President pays floral tributes to Mahatma Gandhi and Shri Lal Bahadur Shastri

Oct 2 2014 3:50am CDT | Source: Business Standard

The President of India, Shri Pranab Mukherjee paid floral tributes at the portrait of Mahatma Gandhi and Shri Lal Bahadur Shastri, Former Prime Minister of India at Kirnahar Shib Chandra High School on the occasion ...
Source: Business Standard   Full article at: Business Standard
 

 
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1

8 weeks ago

PM launches Swachh Bharat Abhiyaan

Oct 2 2014 3:50am CDT | Source: Business Standard

"Let us fulfil Mahatma Gandhi's vision of Clean India Swachh Bharat""PM: "Swachh Bharat Abhiyaan" should be approached with a bipartisan spirit of patriotism""PM invites nine public figures to contribu ...
Source: Business Standard   Full article at: Business Standard
 

 

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